


In Which Catra Ruins The Best Friend Squad's Boardgame Night, But Not In The Way She Expected

by SpiralSpace



Category: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crack, Kyle is He-Man, M/M, Swearing, Time Travel, boardgames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiralSpace/pseuds/SpiralSpace
Summary: A crack fic written post-S3. It's aged, but finding it made me nostalgic so it's getting finished and posted.Skeletor chews scenery. Kyle has a destiny. Glimmer just needs two clay to finish this road.
Relationships: Kyle/Skeletor
Kudos: 15





	In Which Catra Ruins The Best Friend Squad's Boardgame Night, But Not In The Way She Expected

“For the honour of Greyskull!”

The rainbow light of the extended version of Adora’s transformation sequence mingled with the sickly green of the sparking stunstick in Catra’s hand. Lonnie, Kyle, Glimmer and Bow stared each other down across the debris-littered battlefield that had once been Glimmer’s bedroom.

“Killing Glimmer’s mom? Plunging Etheria into a war against an alien menace? Making Bow straight??? I could have let that go. But interrupting the Best Friend Squad’s boardgame night?!?” She charged, her long legs crossing the room in just a few strides. She grabbed Kyle by the front of his shirt and lifted him high into the air. “That’s the one thing I’m never going to forgive, Kyle.”

“Bu-bu-but it wasn’t my idea!” Kyle stammered. “Catra made me do it!” He paused for a second, thinking. “Also I’m pretty sure Catra was the one who did all those other things too!”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who was supposed to keep a handle on her while I was away on vacation! Have you even been changing her litter like you promised??? I mean, that would explain why she’s so cranky!”

“I have been, I swear! She’s just… just…”

With a loud “FWOOM” a portal of flaming fire opened in the centre of the room, and an outrageously buff guy with a skull for a head stepped out of it.

“What is that? Some sort of devastating Horde bioweapon?” Glimmer asked, urgently.

“Or perhaps it’s the even greater evil that was behind Horde Prime all along!” Bow mused.

Catra’s expression darkened into an evil smile. “I bet they’re going to be way more fun to betray and usurp than that nerd Hordak.”

“Whatever it is, I’m going to beat it into the ground,” Adora snarled.

The figure held up a hand. “Whoa there! I’m flattered, but I only have room in my life for one super-powered First One freak.” He pivoted towards Kyle. “And that’s He-Man, nyeeeeh!”

“M-m-me?!” Kyle asked sweatily.

“Yes, you! You, He-Man, have proven to be my only worthy nemesis. But now I, the great Skeletor, have unraveled the secrets of time travel, so that I can defeat you in the past before you thwart any of my villainous plans!”

“The great Skeletor?” Catra asked doubtfully.

“The very same! Hard to believe, I know, but I do sometimes honour mere mortals with my presence.”

Glimmer rolled her eyes. “His name’s not ‘He-Man’, though. It’s-“

Skeletor was instantly there holding a finger up to her lips. “Shhhhhhhhhh, shsh shh shhhhh, ssssssssh. Shh. Need to keep some mystery alive, don’t we? And besides, I have this feeling in my gut that his real name’s something dumb, like ‘Fredjamin‘ or something.” He looked around the room. “I’m right, aren’t I?” Catra and Lonnie nodded. Skeletor held up his hands as if to say ‘there you have it’. “So please, do not tell me his name. He. Is. He-Man. HE-MANNNNNNNN! And He-Man is about to get the beating of his life, nyeh-heh-heh!” Skeletor pulled his titanic fist back to punch his weedy rival right in the face. Kyle trembled but decided not to make a high-pitched scream. “HEHEHE! Hehe! Heh…." But the huge man’s muscular shoulders slumped, and he let his fist drop to his side. “Oh, I give up. You win! You’re just so… so unpunchable like this, I mean look at you! All noodly and pathetic!” He gestured at Kyle’s entire body. “What happened to the ‘power of Greyskull!’?!?” Skeletor put his head in his hand, pretending to sob. “How old are you, He-Man?” he eventually asked.

“I- I’m eighteen, sir!” Kyle stammered.

Skeletor gaped, which was the other expression his face could make besides grinning evilly. “For the love of GOD, DO NOT call me sir again, kid. You’re already making this so WEIRD, I…”

“Yes sir,” Kyle said, trembling.

Skeletor was too busy lost in his own timeline calculations to notice. He counted something up on his fingers. “Wait! He-Man is thirty six!? How!?! Why??? I thought if I went back twenty years or so I’d be fighting him in his prime…” He turned back to Kyle. “Spoiler alert, but the next two decades are NOT going to be kind to you, kid!”

Kyle gulped.

“I guess I’m lucky I have a skull for a face, right? I save a ton on moisturizing products too, nyeh-heh-heh!”

“What the frick!” Lonnie yelled. “You were a hero all along and you didn’t tell us??? Way to hold out on your friends, K- …. He-Man!”

Kyle threw his hands up in the air. “I didn’t know anything about it! I still don’t know anything about it,” he grumbled. “I didn’t ask for any of this!”

Adora nodded matter-of-factly. “Yup. Definitely a hero.”

“So, He-Man, when’s your birthday, anyway?” Skeletor asked.

Kyle hesitated for a moment. “September 3rd?” he asked warily.

“Hmmm, I gueeeess I could wail on a 21-year-old…” He did some more math on his fingers. “I will see you…. on your birthday, 836 days from now! I’ll bring cake! And death! It’ll be GREAT, you’ll see. And if it’s not, there’s always next year! And the year after that! And the year after that! And so on and so forth we shall engage iN DESTINED BATTLE UNTIL THE END OF TIME!”

“…”

“Or I guess until I get bored, probably. Anyway, I should really get going so unless-“

The door opened. Shadow weaver gloomed in, probably to tell Glimmer that Monopoly had made her late for a lesson on blood magic or something.

Skeletor brightened immediately. “Oh hey Shadow Weaver, long time no see! How’re the kids?!”

Her eyes widened behind her face mask. Something small and round tumbled out of her wizardly sleeve, and when it hit the floor it burst, filling the room with a noxious black smoke. When the smoke cleared a few seconds later, she was nowhere to be seen.

“Women,” Skeletor said, deadpan. He shrugged. “Ehh, it’s probably for the best, it’s not like I could just spend all day killing time around here. Remember, 836 days. Save the date! And make sure you have your shit together by then!” He ducked his towering shoulders back through the fiery portal, which by now had done things to Glimmer’s carpet which it would never truly recover from, and disappeared. Then he stuck his head back through the portal. “Seriously though, get your shit together.” He grinned evilly at Kyle, then he was gone. 

The portal closed.

“I knew I should have said April 69th,” Kyle said glumly.

The others just stood there, still processing the revelation of Kyle’s sudden and incomprehensible plot relevance.

“Hmmmmm, so if I’m a good guy, does that mean I get to play board games with you guys?”

“Ooh, we should play Cards Against Huge Manatees.” Catra added eagerly.

“Get lost Catra,” Adora said.

Pfft, whatever.” Catra kicked a nearby piece of furniture. “It’s not like I wanted YOU to be my Card Suzerain anyway. Come on Lonnie, let’s go throw rocks at rich people’s cars.” She rolled her eyes. The cool, detatched image this projected immediately hid her countless fears and regrets in a way that was totally not completely obvious and transparent.

“Right behind you,” Lonnie replied.

“And as for you, He-Man…”

The best friends squad formed an impromptu huddle.

“Having a fourth member would open up a lot of new opportunities for games that don’t have three player versions,” Bow whispered.

“No way!” Glimmer snapped. “There are more important things than player count, you also have to consider competitive spirit. Just you watch, we’re going to be deep into a game of Inhabiters of Quathon and he’ll roll a seven and we’ll all lose half an hour waiting for him to place the robber because he doesn’t want to offend anyone. Plus I don’t want to win just because I bullied him into giving me the last sheep I needed.”

Adora ahemed solemnly. “Guys, you’re both forgetting something really important. First rule in the Good Guy Handbook?”

Bow sighed. “Good Guys side with Good Guys….”

“…even when it doesn’t make sense and they have no reason to,” Glimmer finished tiredly.

“Right,” Adora said. “We don’t have a choice, unfortunately.” She turned to Kyle. “Alright, you’re in.”

Kyle beamed.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post:
> 
> https://bzdsentai.tumblr.com/post/184522862547/whats-probably-going-to-come-out-of-hordaks#_=_


End file.
